The Fast Lane

Just a quick observation about my new bicycle. I love having the bicycle. It enables me to see places that are out of my walking distance (which extends in a quarter-mile radius from where ever I am) and to get some much needed exercise.

That said, I pretty much take my life into my own hands every time I mount the white patent leather banana seat and grab onto the crooked, but none the less functional, handlebars. Not only are there no lights...or helmets...or LAWS...but there are also no brakes. That's right. No. Brakes. So I have to come to a decent cruising speed and just let my feet drag on the ground. Unless Im wearing a pair of good shoes and then I just slow to a stop, which takes quite a while depending on how fast I was going and then I have to walk back to my destination. But that doesnt really work at traffic signals.

I wouldn't give up the bike and it has some other redeemable features like the passenger seat, a really cool bell, and a purple paint job. But it makes me wonder if my ability to walk and feed myself is worth a trip to the post office.

Also, Ive been dying to use the idiom "storm in a teacup".

SIN CITY

"Let me tell you about the time I shat myself just to prove a point..."



Oh My God. Pattaya Thailand is the grossest city on earth.
Not in the sense that its dirty. Its actually really clean and beautiful.
***Its like the gorgeous CEO who is really charming and rich and available but it turns out that hes a completely disgusting arrogant moron who asks you if you swallow (while you are stirring his coffee because he is too lazy to stir it himself).***
For the most part, the entire weekend involved lounging next to the pool and sitting in the sauna and/or steam bath. That was very refreshing.
I went out one night though and was SHOCKED by how much prostitution there was. It was un-freakin-real! I was under the impression that there was some. But this was amazing. There were ugly white guys with Thai women EVERYWHERE. Old bent over men with huge noses and liver spots strolling arm in arm with leggy twenty year old women who are smiling and dabbing the dudes drool with a handkerchief. I one point I felt bad because maybe one of the couples I was gawking at was a legitimate couple. But we talked with people who were completely unaware of the fact that them visiting Pattaya twice a year when they leave the oil rigg just to bone the local girls for 2000 baht is something they should probably keep to themselves.
Aside from that - everything you can imagine and go "eww! people dont really do that" is literally right around the corner in Pattaya. Some guy walks up with a menu and it says things like 'eel' or 'ping pong' or 'frog' and hes not trying to tempt you into a restaurant. Yuck.

ALTHOUGH: there is one thing about the nightlife (well, day/nightlife. it really doesnt get any better when the sun comes out) is the bartenders play games. Bartenders are almost ALWAYS women and they have a plethora of games to play with you when you are drunk. Its cute and they are really good. I beat one bartender at connect four and I was so damn excited I (apparently) almost knocked Corinne on her ass while telling her about it. You can play connect four or jenga or checkers, etc. I love playing board games! I wonder why more bars dont have board games...

Check the new D&Gs...sunglasses...

The Show Must Go On

Yesterday was a total nightmare. I basically took the bus back to Chonburi and fell asleep in a puddle of my own misery.

But today has been good to me. I am back in Pattaya and this time I am prepared with passport, wallet, and other such necessary items. My feet smell terrible (as anyone who wears Chacos could attest to, they begin to get funky after awhile) but all is right with the world again. My e mail sucks but really, whos doesnt?

Apparently you cant walk a block in this town without bumping into either a bar, a sex show or a bar with a sex show. There is SO MUCH prostitution in this area. Its very blatent and no one seems to think that its anything to apologize for or conceal in anyway.
The guy next to me in the Internet Cafe just laughed so hard at his e mail that snot came out of his nose and hit the computer screen. Gross.

Alright, time to get some food. I am now completely addicted to Thai Ice Tea (with milk, of course)

Wai Me?

This day is already bothering me.

I woke up from a really weird dream where I was Mr.A's foster kid. I mean, really...imagine how that must have felt when I woke up. Then Corinne and I get ready to go to Pattaya. Of course we get caught in some flash storm on the way to the Internet cafe. So we take a motorcycle taxi. DUDE CHARGES US 40 FREAKING BAHT! I wanted to punch him. We only drove like 60 yards! So then the Internet wasnt working so we went to school and used the net here. My email isnt working...again. Ugg.

~~~4 hours later~~~

Now I am in Pattaya and my e mail STILL isnt working. I want to barf on someone. I left my passport and my wallet in my room in Chonburi (I hope) and now I'm in Pattaya with 530 baht and its like 200 just to eat. I have to take the damn bus back to Chonburi tomorrow morning (if I can restrain myself for that long) because apparently Corrinne wants to go to Ko Samet. I want to just crawl into a hole and die at this point. I am having the most incredibly shitty luck since I've arrive in Chonburi.

So now I am even more frustrated than I was at noon. All I want to do is read my email or possibly send one. I'm going to drink more beer and hopefully after I get back from Chonburi tomorrow all of this will seem like a far off dream-like experience.

BTW: I still havent found the post office.

SO HOT!

It's so damn hot in Thailand. It's by far the hottest place I have ever lived. The humidity is absolutely suffocating. AND THIS IS THE COOL SEASON!

I finally made it to Chonburi. I wish that there were pictures to show off but I haven't been able to outsmart the digital camera just yet.

This town is very cute but there are certain things that I just havent been able to figure out. Why is there only one post office and how come and can't find it? Why do people keep serving me my soda in a plastic baggie with a straw? Is it safe for an elephant to walk down the side of the road - even if its wearing safety lights? All these things continue to perplex me.

Perhaps the most puzzling part of the whole experience has been the change of accommodations. Me and the other English teacher from my program have been placed in a brand new apartment complex. So new, in fact, that it isn't even completely built yet. We are the only people living in there except for our building manager and his son (who, by the way, is completely facinated with EVERYTHING we do - it's cute). So there is construction happening at all hours. There are also two mangey dogs who live outside. We have named them Lek & Moo.
My room, which will hopefully be illustrated on here soon, is about the size of my single in college. The bed is a boxspring covered in batting. It took two trips to the Tesco and three different futons before that situation was resolved. The room is so new it's frightening. It's like...sterile.
The best part however, is the bathroom. There is no hot water and thats kind of lame. But the entire bathroom is the shower (if you have seen bathrooms like this before then you know what I am talking about). So I can sit on the toilet and wash my hair! Speaking of which, there is a separate little sprayer type thing next to the 'loo and this is used to wash your filthy bits after you are done doing what you must do. Honestly, I can't even say how smart I think this is. That little contraption is my new best friend.

Everyone should be happy to know that I am healthy and regular. No gnarly diseases unless profusely sweating counts as one.
I need to figure out where the post office is.
I am hungry too. Last night I ate mangos & sticky rice with coconut milk. And beer.

It's Thai Time

Yes, so out of complete lack of want for writing large mass e mails, this will officially be the lamest post ever. Although I'm sure any and everyone who bothers to read this is probably dying for this type of information right now. My goddamn e mail isnt working right now. That is particularly frustrating considering the hoops and bothers I had to jump through just to find Internet access.

At any rate, I am in Thailand. It is very hot. Like swimming through the air style hot. Not for the faint of heart. Don't worry though, the hotel is air conditioned. We have taken several Thai language courses and I am proud to report that I understand nothing. Sawadii kha, yo.

Bangkok is cool. It's polluted, much like how I remember it. I finally went to the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, which I took some lame obligatory pictures of (soon to be posted here, I forgot my camera back at the hotel tonight). The light quality was astounding.

The elephant trekking has been cancelled. WHAT THE HELL OEG?! I guess some astrologer said that there would be catostrophic flash floods in Kanchanaburi. Guess what? Not even a drop of rain. So we arent going to the River Kwai or frolicking with the elephants. Instead, we are going to Ayutthaya which is the old capital (from like 400+ years in the past). There is a whole lot of "free time" in the itinerary, indicating that they didnt have the slightest idea of what to do with us. Everyone is very cross about the circumstances of this trip.
Honestly, I think we will all enjoy it no matter where we end up because at least we wont be flossing smog out of our teeth.

There are some famous Sukothai ruins in Ayuttaya so that should prove to be fun. We played trivia the other day and I tried to trick the other team with a tie breaker question where the answer was "Bal Rog" (so pop quiz, what was the question?) and some jerk got the answer. I should have known. She probably watches anime, too. Loser.

Notice the irony since I thought up the question, right.

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU RUTH!

Thaibound

I have relocated...again.

I left Portland, Oregon last week. I would go ahead and say that about 65% of my PDX experience was gnarly. But there were things that I enjoyed and would highly recommend.
I'm in Seattle right now camping out at my parents house for a few days. It's like pergatory. On Wednesday night/Thursday morning I fly out of SeaTac for TaiPei. From there to Bangkok to Chonburi where I will reside in my little house on the coast. It's odd to me how these obvious changes don't bother me all that much. My biggest concern is surrendering my ferrets and figuring how to continue knitting in a tropical climate.

I spent this morning playing DDR with my little sister and my gentleman friend. I'm not sure how I feel about DDR. I know for sure that I lack the grace and skill to make it look like dancing. Furthermore, it's challenging for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm enjoying the same activity as the kids in college who fought with foam swords and dressed like they were going to a funeral (and who, by the way, took over my Japanese classes, propogating a very negative stereotype that is unfairly given to us Asian language speaking white kids). Then again, DDR is really fun to play early in the morning and totally reminds me of the Power Pad games that could be played on the original Nintendo.

I'm tired. I knit two more scarves just before leaving PDX. One was a granny square thing from Lion Brand yarn free pattern webpage. I was excited at first, thinking that somehow granny squares would be fast and simple. And they were...until it came time to connect them all together. SUCKS! The other scarf was for my darling and it was a rib stitch grey number made from Wool-Ease Thick & Quick. I am trying to decide if I'm even going to attempt to block it before I ship it out to its new home. On one hand, it might lay flatter so that it looks like a pattern instead of a wiener roll. On the other hand, it might just be a huge waste of time since blocking acrylic things (don't be fooled by the yarn's name, folks, it's only 20% wool) doesn't seem to do anything but leave me with wet towels and pins in the floor.

Eh, Im getting bored with writing this. I hate updating without pictures and since I dont have a digital camera at my disposal anymore Im a bit stuck out of luck. Im more tired than I was the first time I wrote it as well. Nigh nigh.